You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
