I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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