Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
