Princesses don't give blow jobs
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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