when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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