when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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