If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wish I only lived at night.
the condom got lost in my hair
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
