someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
