I feel great
I just peed on a car
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
