You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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