i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
