Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
