i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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