One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
