I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize