Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize