someone get that fucking seahorse.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
