hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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