whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
