I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
