we made out on top of his cat.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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