I'm pants shitting drunk right now
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
