i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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