too bad you live with your parents still
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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