I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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