Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
The air taste purple.
Randomize