I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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