have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
