Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
