He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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