I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
