i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
