there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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