His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
