Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize