Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just invented taco cereal.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
