I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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