You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
