Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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