On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
