You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i came on her dog
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
