Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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