That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
