The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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