a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
