I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
