Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
