; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
