wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
