During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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