i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
