we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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