I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
