I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
