Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
