Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
