side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
