He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
