One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
