some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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