Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
