Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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