just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
