you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
