dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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