Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
