I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
