my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
