If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
