I wish I only lived at night.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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