Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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